This is what's up

I spent the weekend in prison.

The reason? I volunteered to go to the Alternatives to Violence Project (AVP) workshop. It was amazing, incredible, encouraging, inspiring and plenty of just plain fun.
I really cannot put into words what an amazing experience it was for me. I went in not entirely sure what to expect and, I will admit, slightly daunted by the prospect of spending three days in a small room with 27 inmates, three other outsiders and me. Of course, some of the inside facilitators I've known by reputation for years through my Mom, who's been involved in AVP for as long as I can remember, and it was great to finally be able to meet them.
AVP is an experiential training course that helps people (primarily inmates, but outsiders like me can take the workshop as well) handle situations in a positive way instead of resorting to (or coming close to) violence--an entirely new concept to many of these guys, and an uncomfortably unfamiliar one to myself. The workshops are led by facilitators both from the in and outside, who have progressed through the various levels of the training and work with newbies in overseeing the exercises, clarifying points, leading discussions, etc. They do not teach in a conventional sense of the word, they encourage, and the participants get to do the teaching for themselves and others.
The exercises were all to drive home the points introduced in the discussions, about affirmation, communication, co-operation, problem solving, and "transforming power" to change situations from potentially dangerous to positive for everyone involved, as well as building community and self-respect and worth.
Some of the things we did included breaking into small groups to solve a problem assigned to us, or to make up a role-play and use transforming power. Everyone chose an "adjective name"--a positive adjective that described us and then our name, which we used the entire time. We played games to get comfortable with each other, we laughed and became friends, and shared some very intense emotions during some of the exercises and discussions.

You know, it may have looked as though I was going in as someone who has their life pretty much together, someone who's going in as a charitable cause to help what many people would see as a bunch of messed-up guys. But in truth, I had far more to learn from them. These guys, they have the best smiles you can imagine. When Terrific Terrell grins, his entire face is nothing but joy, and all I can see is a kid not so very different from myself, except for his circumstances or being forced into adulthood by being a father and incarcerated. But if these men can find so much happiness in their situations, then I, I should be out there taking on the world! It's truly been an inspiration for me to see that.

On the last day we got our certificates that said we'd participated in AVP, and we each got a poster that everyone signed with a note. Saying goodbye was the hardest part, being uncertain of when or if I'll ever get to see them again. We're not allowed to trade contact information or keep in touch, which makes sense, but is difficult nonetheless. I told them I hope to see them on the outside someday, and it's true. My worst fear is that when they get out they won't be able to stay away from old habits, but my greatest hope is that someday I'll hear someone call out "Hey, Frabjous Fern! With the psychedelic shoes!" and it will be one of them, enjoying a new life in freedom.

On the last day one of the guys (I can't even remember who) shook my hand the way all the inmates do with each other. It's a split second gesture, but so un premeditated and nearly instinctual that says "you're one of us, sister", but to me it was worth more than any compliment I got the whole weekend, to be accepted at face value, not by a group of prisoners who've made serious mistakes, but by a group of strong, inspiring, thoughtful and wonderful human beings.

I've been quiet the past few days, just thinking. I can't wait until our AVP Basic #156 support group comes up, because I really want to see my friends again and to hear how they've been doing.
You can read more about the program in general at www.avpinternational.org check it out, it's what's up, man!